Inspiration or Infatuation?
So I've been spending the last few weeks with my head in the computer, writing grant proposals for the 2010/2011 suddenlyLISTEN season. It's got me thinking about inspiration.
With the help of my #1 grant reader, I got this great idea for a music event. (I'm going to be cagily vague about the details here...but the details actually aren't important!). It was the most amazing feeling to get the seed of the idea and watch it grow, and over the next few days, flower in surprising colours. All I could think of was the idea, it grew in my head with vivid detail. I started to work on it, write about it, send off emails, tell others, imagine funding possibilities, gather partners, imagine the audience's reactions. Still it grew! It was like falling in love. Well I realized that fact Later. Later: when the people said "it can't be done", when the original plans changed, when the passionate proposals had to be edited to 750 words, when the proposals were re-edited, when the budgets were made, and re made, when it was spun three different ways for three different programs, when I finally (today) said "I'm tired of this thing!" That's when I realized it WAS like love. And I realized it's past love......... it's a relationship! I have to WORK at it, I have to compromise.... But you know, I like relationships, I've got a few really good ones. So I'm taking a little break, giving it a little space. Practicing the cello again, like I need to be doing. Heck I've got a few days before March 15, when I send my love off in the mail. I believe it was Hallmark (or the poster over the bed of my first University roommate)(we grew quickly to loath one another) who said: "If you love something, set it free. If it returns, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was..." (I just googled that...sad really) So I will say my farewells, send her off, and cross my fingers. And I can look back at those early days of flush and quiver, of hairs standing up on the back of my neck, and see who, if anyone, comes back. Maybe the waiting is the hardest...nah, the work is definitely harder! We arty dreamers and planners rarely wait by the phone though. Heck we're too busy thinking of other ideas, seeing if one of them is the NEXT inspiration! Mar 8, 2010 at 19:54